When I was on my mission, in Vermont, a gay couple invited my companion and I to dinner. We scheduled the dinner more than a week in advance, and during the entire week, I was terrified. What would this couple do to us? Would they trap us in their basement dungeon? Would they poison us? I was irrational. Completely.
When we got to dinner, the couple invited us into the showroom of their antique shop where we ate at a beautiful rustic table. We ate the best pork roast I've had, delightful mashed potatoes and fresh, hot apple sauce. It was delicious. It was also pleasant. The couple told us that they had been feeding Mormons for years (no doubt trying to enlighten dozens of terrified pale-faced missionaries).
We shared a bible verse, then left.
A few months ago, I was walking home from a party late at night. I was walking quickly, as I normally do when it's late at night and freezing cold. I passed some teenagers. They asked me for cigarettes. I told them I didn't have any. And I kept walking. Then one said loudly, "Dude! You walk like a queer!" The rest of the teenagers laughed cruelly. My heart started beating quickly. I walked more quickly as I became more upset. I wasn't as upset at the personal attack, as I was at the overall feeling of homophobia that existed among that group of teenagers.
Even more recently, I stopped to get coffee at Café Marmalade, the Utah Pride Center's coffee shop, before work. While I waited for my coffee, I realized that there was a discussion group going on. There were gay boys and girls gathered around talking about what it meant to be gay. That coffee shop must be such a haven for those kids. I wanted to go around the room and give them all hugs, knowing that they probably faced homophobia at school every day.
So some questions. When have you experienced or witnessed homophobia? When have you been guilty of it yourself?
I'm pretty sure I've always loved the gays. :)
ReplyDeleteK. This is one bitch-ass post.
ReplyDeleteI'm so very ashamed of the years I was homophobic. It hurts me to think of what I may have said or done to someone else who was gay. I hated myself so, so, so much that I said and did things that were just disgusting in order to not appear as gay to my "friends".
Once I realised what I was doing, I tried to make up for it, and have ever since then, but I still feel bad for the lies I told.
Yet, once I came out, I have been a vocal, strong, even outspoken advocate for gay rights and equality, and I hope what I have done and said since then can somewhat make up for what I did and said when I was in the closet.
Either way, I know who I am now, and hopefully the good I've done has outweighed the bad I did.
I have had my own days of it. One of my best friends in NYC was once a guy at BYUI who I avoided in the hallways cause I was scared of being associated with someone who seemed gay.
ReplyDeleteBut I have also encountered my fair share. Last week I was in Morning Side Heights (125th ST and Broadway) holding hands with my boyfriend. Some guys walked past us and yelled "gross" a few times. Even in NYC it happens on occasion. But then the women in front of us turns around smiles and says "Don't worry, they'll get used to it!"
How glad I am that I live in NYC.