To my 16 year old self.

I wrote this a few months ago. It's a letter to myself, 8 years ago. I thought it might be a good exercise, and it was. And well, it's not doing me any good hanging out on my hard drive...

Hey you. It's me. Yeah me, 8 years from now. Seems weird, doesn't it, that you'll get here.

You are cool, buddy. You are. You're going to learn this over the next few years. Be yourself and allow people to love you for who you are. That's what you (I) did. And it's worked out pretty well. I'm still learning how to do that, but it's still working.

I feel like I should warn you about what to do and what not to do. But I won't. Because every mistake you make becomes a part of you that can't be replaced. There's shit coming (I know you'd look down on me a little for saying that word), and there's the good stuff too. Remember that that's what life's about. Remember that shit and the good stuff add up to experience. And experience is what makes you who you are (And, incidentally, who I am. This is getting funny.)

I don't remember much about being in your mind. I don't remember what the future looked like for you. But know that the future is unknown. Embrace the fact that even you will be surprised at what the outcome of the next few years will be.

This is who you are 8 years from now. You are smart. You are funny (at least to yourself). You are talented. You are an artist. You are confident. You are happy. You are also gay.

I guess this is why I'm writing this letter. I want you to know that it's OK. It is going to work out. And I guess that where you are in your life, it doesn't really matter all that much. You don't think about it too often, do you?

In a few short years, though, the shit is going to hit the fan (there's that word again).

I remember being you, hoping some day to make a difference in the world. I remember praying for wisdom. Prayers are heard, Nick, they are. Sometimes the answers seem cruel and are unexpected, but don't be afraid of that kind of answer. It seems like these answers are the ones that bring about the greatest change in you.

Be open to those answers and understand that what God says to you is not always what others say to you. I'm not going to tell you what to do about being gay. Knowing the outcome would cheapen the experience for you.

It is great to be gay. It sometimes will seem like the most repugnant, rancid part of you. But trust me, it certainly is not. As time goes on, you'll learn to love you (or me?).

But I've just gotta say, be brave. March into the eye of the storm. You will conquer there. Don't be afraid of the world, because there's a place for you in it. And don't be afraid of people, because you are one of them.

Remember that it is your life and that you get to decide what it will be. Don't worry about what others will think. Believe what you believe. Be curious, be understanding and be open minded.

But know that life doesn't get easier. Don't expect it to. But I do think it gets better. It will get better, my friend, it just keeps getting better.

I'll walk with you, I'll talk with you...

If you are, or have ever been Mormon, you probably know the Primary song, "I'll Walk With You," by Carol Lynn Pearson. Rumor has it, the song was inspired by or directed toward gay members of the church. Whether this is true or not, I can't be sure. But if I got to choose, it would be. If you need evidence, it's here.

Anyhow, when my favorite two year old asked for me to put him to bed tonight (I, of course, was delighted), I sang "I'll Walk With You."

But don't worry, I didn't stop there. My next song was "Somewhere Over the Rainbow." And the one after that? "Any Dream Will Do" from Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat.

I just have one question... how did you not know?

OK, to be fair, I know most of you had an inkling, at least.

Bless these Holy things.

I've been reading "Come Be my Light," a book about Mother Theresa. It's good. But that's beside the point. I'm finding myself quite enamored with Catholicism. Not like I'm going to convert or anything, but more like this:

Lately, I've had this huge urge to bless things like a Catholic Priest. Sign of the cross and all. You know how it goes. For example, after spending a few hours organizing the archive at work, it was everything I could do to stop myself from blessing the Holy Archive.

So, without further ado, here I go blessing things in my life. Jesus style. (Or King James style?)

Bless the Holy Internet, with which there was much drought. (I'll spare you the deets, but hopefully I'll now be posting here more than, you know, every three weeks.)
Bless my Holy Housewares, without which, I would be very sad.
Bless the Holy Netflix.
Bless my Holy Friends, old and new.
Bless the Holy Snake River Valley, O Lord, that it may thaw.
Bless the Holy WinCo.
Bless the Holy Meadows, and their Holy Amenities, the Holy Hot Tub, and the Holy Weight Room.
Bless the Holy BLT and Ricotta Sandwich.
Bless the Holy Villa Coffeehouse.

And for the sake of job security, Bless the Holy River City Weekly, and its Holy Archive.

That's the short list, folks; but seriously... bless all of you. In response to the last post, I received nothing but the best kind of support from all of you. People came out of the woodwork fo' real. And it was awesome. Made for one of the best days/weeks of my life in recent memory.